You Can't Handle the Truth!

Did you read that and hear Tom Cruise's voice? Mission accomplished.

It was about this time last year that I dropped some serious truth and completely bared my soul regarding my weight. Well, I think it's going to happen again. I made dinner the other night. Meatloaf and mashed potatoes, my favorite meal of all time. It was perfect too, the meatloaf was just juicy enough with enough seasonings. The mashed potatoes were creamy and buttery. Like I said, perfection.

I want to back up for just a second here. I haven't tried (well, successfully) the fad diets out there. No 21 day challenge, no Keto or Paleo diets, nothing. I'm a working mom with busy kids, so my approach has been to introduce more proteins and less junk food. I want to try new things, but portion control has been the method that I find works for me. That an exercise, of course.

That being said, Friday's dinner perfection. I have taken to using a salad plate rather than those giant dinner plates to help with portion control. And help they do. I made up my plate and did not go overboard. I ate. And after failing to talk myself out of it, I went and filled my plate up again. I wasn't even hungry anymore, but the food just tasted so good. And it was in that moment that I had a revelation.

I've never gone without food. My parents always provided all of my needs and even when I first got out on my own and money was tight, I still ate decent meals. But, in that moment Friday I was afraid that someone else might eat the rest of the food and if I decided later or even the next day that I might want a little more, that it wouldn't be there. I do that a lot. I eat because I'm afraid someone might get to it first. What is that?! So what if someone else gets the last meatball or brownie. It's not like I'm never going to make meatballs again. It truly makes no sense to me why this is my mindset, but I guess that is really irrelevant. The important thing is I have identified this and then finding out how to fix this.

I know I've said this a lot, but somewhere I fell off the wagon. I'm not sure where. But, ever since then I have had such a hard time finding motivation, pushing myself to get up and go like I did before. I'm sad. I'm frustrated. I'm every emotion that one can experience and I have no idea how to change it.