Starting Over

I went to the doctor for a check up today. I weighed in just 2 pounds shy of what I weighed when I started this journey. I was off to a fantastic start. The exercise, which began as the hardest part of all of this, has become the best part for me so far. I love working out. I love the feeling I feel when I step off the treadmill or when I make it 5 minutes on that hell machine otherwise known as the elliptical.

What I don't love is the food choices. I have found eating better is easy for me, but my family hasn't embraced the changes so well. I mean, I can't imagine why an 8 year old doesn't want to eat brown rice with grilled chicken and a salad over chicken nuggets and fries. I mean, what have I been thinking?! Making two meals or two variations of meals has been getting to me. In addition, I have been hitting the take out for a lunch a little more often than I was in the beginning (which was never, then folks). I'm still trying to figure out that perfect balance I guess.

And, if I am being totally honest, I let myself slack. I told myself that working out made making those bad choices OK. I was still eating smaller portions and overall making better choices, but I let myself get too relaxed with it. So, as a result I sit here writing this, wanting to go and drown my feelings in chocolate syrup (and ice cream, too, of course!) and feeling sorry for myself. For a split second I let myself believe that I was just destined to spend the rest of my life overweight. OK, maybe longer than a split second, I think a part of me is still feeling a little like that and I've been home for an hour now.

Exercise and weight loss is one of those things that everyone has an opinion on, kind of like parenting. There is so much information out there. Why you should do this, why you shouldn't try that. But, this worked for so and so. I am still trying to find what works best for me. I know it has only been about 40 days, but I am discouraged a bit. I know this is a journey, that the changes won't happen overnight. I think I am disappointed in myself, I didn't hold onto the strength and motivation I had when I first started this journey. And the writing has stopped. I still feel as if writing everyday might be too much. I feel like I was getting repetitive, and I didn't want that. There are so many amazing people who follow along and read this and I didn't want to bore you all. And, I was starting to feel constricted in my writing as well, which is something I definitely do not want. Writing has always been my outlet to help me cope with things.

But, that's just it. Writing helps. It helped motivate me. It helped me see my progress, where I needed to work on. And for some reason it helps me stay brutally honest with myself. So, I'm jumping back on the writing wagon. I may not write everyday. But I know I need to get my words out there more than I have been. I'm staring over tomorrow. I don't care if I fall again, or even 20 more times. I want this. I want this more than I have ever wanted anything else. So, there is all the motivation I need.

When you fall off the wagon...

I put on a few pounds. I got lazy in my eating habits the last week. I rationalized this as OK because I go to the gym. In reality, I am down to two to three days rather than five because,well life with kids happened.

I am trying not to be discouraged to see the number on the scale go back up but it isn't easy. I am disappointed in myself, that I let myself slip so easily back into old habits. I am still learning.

Tomorrow is a whole new day, one where I can wake up and choose to make healthier choices again. I plan to make the most of it.