UPDATE

It's been over two months, I think, since I started this blog. In this time I have continued to push myself and surprise myself at all I am capable of doing. When I started, my weight was 262 pounds. I lost close to 10 but then managed to put it all back on. I felt so discouraged and in all honestly, I nearly gave up.

A month ago I made an appointment with my doctor to discuss this issue. Part of my problem was always feeling hungry. I drink water non stop during the day, I have cut down on my fast food consumption, and made changes to my daily diet. I eat breakfast now, I make better choices when it comes to eating lunch and dinner. I was still not getting a full feeling. For a few days, I felt like I was cheating, but the more I thought about it I realized I wasn't. My doctor prescribed me an appetite suppressant. I want to do this without help, but I realized that right now I needed a little bit.

I still eat better, I still go to the gym regularly. I haven't reverted back into any old habits. I do feel better though, I can eat a meal and finally feel like I have eaten enough, like I have a handle on what and how much to eat in order to continue losing weight and maintaining a healthy lifestyle.

To date I have lost 18 pounds. I am down to 246 pounds, I cannot remember the last time I was under 250, this is huge for me. I personally do not see much of a physical change in my appearance, but others have so I know what I am doing is working. I do feel better in general and I am making progress in my workouts as well. When I first started walking, it took me nearly 18 minutes to walk a mile. I can do it now in about 16 and a half minutes. I know these aren't huge milestones, but it is these little things that show me and I am getting somewhere. 

There have been more moments of discouragement than I care to admit. I always knew I was in for a long, hard journey with this, but it's just something you cannot truly appreciate the difficulty behind it until you get into it.

Sometimes I cannot believe I have kept up with this and then others I am so thankful that I finally found the motivation to keep this going. I probably will never know what clicked in my mind that day, but I am so glad it did.

From sworn enemies to besties

I have been trying to work up my time on the elliptical machine. The first few days my time was just over 3 minutes. Over the course of last week I made it up to seven minutes. When I got to the gym Friday I was determined to make it a full 10 minutes.

I made my way to the elliptical, put on my music and got to it. I got to 5 minutes, feeling pretty good. I kept going and the next thing I knew I was at 8.5 minutes. I thought, I have totally got this. The next time I looked down I had gone over 11 minutes! Well, I decided since I had gone over my goal that I was going to keep going and push for 15.

I kept pushing myself. Telling myself I got this. I made it 20 whole minuted before I called it quits!!!! I felt amazing afterwards and ready to take on anything.

I learned a valuable lesson that day. Well, two actually. The first one being I can do it. I just have to concentrate on the moment I am in rather than staring at the time clock. The second is that no one is paying attention to me because they are busy working on themselves. Part of what kept me from pushing harder before has always been my fear that people are watching and judging me. I really need to continue working on that.

Starting Over

I went to the doctor for a check up today. I weighed in just 2 pounds shy of what I weighed when I started this journey. I was off to a fantastic start. The exercise, which began as the hardest part of all of this, has become the best part for me so far. I love working out. I love the feeling I feel when I step off the treadmill or when I make it 5 minutes on that hell machine otherwise known as the elliptical.

What I don't love is the food choices. I have found eating better is easy for me, but my family hasn't embraced the changes so well. I mean, I can't imagine why an 8 year old doesn't want to eat brown rice with grilled chicken and a salad over chicken nuggets and fries. I mean, what have I been thinking?! Making two meals or two variations of meals has been getting to me. In addition, I have been hitting the take out for a lunch a little more often than I was in the beginning (which was never, then folks). I'm still trying to figure out that perfect balance I guess.

And, if I am being totally honest, I let myself slack. I told myself that working out made making those bad choices OK. I was still eating smaller portions and overall making better choices, but I let myself get too relaxed with it. So, as a result I sit here writing this, wanting to go and drown my feelings in chocolate syrup (and ice cream, too, of course!) and feeling sorry for myself. For a split second I let myself believe that I was just destined to spend the rest of my life overweight. OK, maybe longer than a split second, I think a part of me is still feeling a little like that and I've been home for an hour now.

Exercise and weight loss is one of those things that everyone has an opinion on, kind of like parenting. There is so much information out there. Why you should do this, why you shouldn't try that. But, this worked for so and so. I am still trying to find what works best for me. I know it has only been about 40 days, but I am discouraged a bit. I know this is a journey, that the changes won't happen overnight. I think I am disappointed in myself, I didn't hold onto the strength and motivation I had when I first started this journey. And the writing has stopped. I still feel as if writing everyday might be too much. I feel like I was getting repetitive, and I didn't want that. There are so many amazing people who follow along and read this and I didn't want to bore you all. And, I was starting to feel constricted in my writing as well, which is something I definitely do not want. Writing has always been my outlet to help me cope with things.

But, that's just it. Writing helps. It helped motivate me. It helped me see my progress, where I needed to work on. And for some reason it helps me stay brutally honest with myself. So, I'm jumping back on the writing wagon. I may not write everyday. But I know I need to get my words out there more than I have been. I'm staring over tomorrow. I don't care if I fall again, or even 20 more times. I want this. I want this more than I have ever wanted anything else. So, there is all the motivation I need.

When you fall off the wagon...

I put on a few pounds. I got lazy in my eating habits the last week. I rationalized this as OK because I go to the gym. In reality, I am down to two to three days rather than five because,well life with kids happened.

I am trying not to be discouraged to see the number on the scale go back up but it isn't easy. I am disappointed in myself, that I let myself slip so easily back into old habits. I am still learning.

Tomorrow is a whole new day, one where I can wake up and choose to make healthier choices again. I plan to make the most of it.

I've lost track of what day I am on....

All I know is I am just shy of one month into my journey. Almost 30 days have passed since I made a life altering choice. A choice that has been frustrating. Hard. Exhausting. But it also has been extremely rewarding. The pounds are coming off. Slowly, but they are still coming off. My energy levels are higher most days. And, I have learned that I actually really enjoy working out! I know, it surprises me too.

This last week or so I have slacked off a little. It's been awhile since I've blogged anything. I thought that a few trips to the drive thru were ok since I worked out at night. In reality, it hasn't killed me. And I don't think it has made a big difference in the big picture. But, I don't want to be going in reverse or slowing things down. I decided going forward to keep my eye on the end goal and really stick to those healthy options.

It's mostly lunch time that has been the source of bad food choices. I think I ate out every day last week. But, I made good breakfast and dinner choices, so I rationalize my choices. I need to stop that. Eating like crap is what got me into the mess I am in right now. When I remember this is a lifestyle change and not some fad diet it helps to get me back on track.

I may not write as much right now, but I will update my Facebook page. I just feel at a loss for words. I don't want to continually repeat myself because I'm sure no one wants to read it. Right now I am thinking maybe a weekly progress update and if it strikes me to write more than I will. I don't want to feel the pressure to come up with a funny, witty blog post everyday. It cramps my writing style. It frustrates me, and it affects the words that get typed on the screen.

Thank you all for sticking with me. For encouraging. For reading.

Day 21: The elliptical is my enemy

I feel like I should be doing more at the gym. Like the treadmill isn't quite enough. Friday I decided to try the elliptical. Whoever invented that thing must hate people. Or maybe he knows how to work your muscles. Probably the latter I'm guessing.

I made it a whole 3.38 minutes before I quit and made my way back to my home, the treadmill. Friday was a hard day.  I constantly felt hungry and more than anything I wanted to quit while working out. I started wondering is what I am doing really worth it?

If I am being honest, I felt that way most of last week. Constantly trying to figure out what I should and should not eat, finding the will power to even go to the gym after work.

It was a trying week, but somehow I made it through. I made it without making awful food choices. I went to the gym, even for just 30 quick minutes. Isn't that what this is about, pushing through when we really want to quit?

I went grocery shopping today. I think I made some choices that will make meals much easier and more filling for me this week.

Let's get it started!

Day 16: Why exercising is harder than having a baby

I've been told I can be a drama queen. I don't see it, but I guess I'll let you be the judge of that. Today at the gym I was walking on the treadmill, minding my own business, listening to a little Eminem. I've been on a total Em kick lately and I don't know why. Anyways, I'm walking and sweating (I think I sweat more at the gym too) when it hits me. I have been through a lot of tough things in my life. I have suffered from depression, anxiety, and panic attacks. I have been a single parent for what seems like forever (it's only been 6 years), I've had 4 humans. And by far the hardest thing I have done is sticking to this weight loss journey.

Here's why I say that. When my depression was at its worst I could just crawl into bed and sleep. When the anxiety (mostly social anxiety) and panic attacks hit, I just crawled into bed and hide from everything. When shit got too hard parenting alone, yep, I crawled in bed and slept. Ok, maybe that was the depression too, but point is things were hard and it was so easy not to face them. There really isn't an end in sight when it comes to depression, but therapy helped set small goals that I could attain in an amount of time. I need that reality to grasp onto. Now, let's get to the baby part. Being pregnant is hard. It's a toll on your body, you pee all the time, and you crave the most disgusting things. Labor and delivery is hard, it's painful, but at the end of those 9 months you know that you are going to be holding the most precious little baby and completely forget about the discomfort you endured. There is an end in sight. A definite time frame, unless ya'll know of someone whose been pregnant for 80 years. In that case, I totally feel for her.

Exercising and eating right is hard. What makes it even harder for me is the slow progress. There is no definite end date. I can't say that by December 25 I will be 20 pounds lighter. I may be, I may not be. You can set goals to lose x amount of pounds by x amount of time, but chances are it isn't going to go as you plan it. Losing weight is a slow process too. I like instant results, otherwise I feel like I am not doing something right. It has been tough to keep that in mind. Maybe that is why I have decided to blog about and make this journey public. Because I can go back to day 1 and see how far I have come, even though the number on the scale may not reflect a giant change yet.

Learning to embrace the hard, to remember that this is a sprint and not a 100 yard dash has been a learning process for me. Writing has been a great outlet, talking about things with others has helped tremendously. And the support I have received from everyone is amazing. I cannot imaging continuing on with this journey without the support. It's kept me on track when I felt like I might want to quit. It's helped to push me to that extra 5th of a mile or to choose to drink water when a pop is all I want. I couldn't have made it to 16 days without the support. I know that because of them I will keep with this. This is for real this time. Even if it is the hardest thing I have ever done.

Day 16: The day I joined the gym

That's right. Today I joined the gym. It was hard. Harder than day 1 of walking in my opinion. I logged in 2 miles on the treadmill and it kicked my butt! It felt a little more difficult than walking around a track, I'm not sure why though. One thing I did not like was how slow the time seemed to go. When I use my pedometer I stick it in my pocket and I don't look at it until I've finished for the day. On the treadmill I was slowing watching the calories and the distance move ever so slowly. The guy in the row ahead of me had a genius idea. He took a towel and covered up the screen on his treadmill so he didn't have to stare at it during his entire workout. I'm going to totally do that next time.

Another amazing discovery is the 21 day fix plan, thanks Becky!! The last two days I have been researching clean eating. I always thought that clean eating meant boring eating. I could not have been more wrong. I found so many yummy recipes with natural ingredients that I cannot wait to try. I found a tasty looking cinnamon bun, turkey and avocado burgers, and even a coffee and peanut butter smoothie. Oh, and cauliflower crust pizza that looks so amazingly mouthwatering (thanks to my cousin for this one). I literally cannot wait to go grocery shopping this weekend so that I can try out these new recipes.

I'm amazed at how simple they are. So simple I cannot believe I did not know this information. Today for lunch, I had a turkey wrap on a whole wheat tortilla with bacon and mozzarella cheese with some cottage cheese and water. It was delicious and filling too. Dinner I sautéed up some red onions and steak served with brown rice and corn. I just cannot get over how simple these two meals were but how filling and how good they are for me.

Current stats: I am down to 255 pounds. I average a mile a day when I walk, usually more. And my meal choices continue to get better and better. Oh, and I drink so much water sometimes I feel like I should move my computer into the bathroom at work. I'm up to about 64-72 ounces a day.

Progress is the name of the game and I am totally winning!

There's nothing sexy about being unhealthy

So, going a little different direction today. Over the weekend comedian Ralphie May died. Ralphie May joked about his weight and struggled with it for some time, from what I have learned from reading a little about him. Why the sudden interest in an overweight celebrity? Well, when I saw the headline that he died from cardiac arrest and complications from pneumonia I knew that could have easily happened to me one day.

Now, even at my biggest have I ever been as big as Ralphie May or others who have followed in his footsteps. And, please don't mistake, I am sorry that his life was lost. But, we live in a country that glorifies obesity and chubby as sexy and ok. Let me say this slowly, this is not sexy. It's not glamorous, and it shouldn't be how we are CHOOSING to live our lives. I know that not all of us make poor diet choices, not all of us choose to watch Netflix rather than work out, but a lot of us do.

There is nothing wrong with being body confident. I've always felt confident about how I looked. I never felt like I have needed anyone's approval regarding my appearance. And those back hand compliments like, "you dress well for a big girl" always irritated me. Deep down though I knew that I was facing potentially life threatening issues because of my lifestyle choices. My lifestyle choices led to my weight gain. Not an illness, not an injury. My own ignorance and laziness have gotten me to where I am today. And, it's because of figures like Ralphie May, The Fluffy comedian (what's his name??), and site like Chubby Girls are Sexy too, that glorify this lifestyle.

I thought that if they could make it and be ok with being fat then what was so wrong with me feeling the same way. Well, honestly nothing. If that is where you are in your life. I was there for a long time. My motivation still stands as this is a decision to get healthy, not skinny. I am not trying to put down anyone who may not feel this way and I hope I am not coming off that way. My eyes were opened two weeks ago when I started this journey. And, now that are wide open after reading of the passing of Ralphie May.

I want to be around for my kids. I want to run around and play at the park with them. I want to be the example for them. I want to be happy and healthy.

Day 12:Cheat Day

Today is the day I have been waiting for all week. The big Michigan/Michigan State party after work. Yummy food, good company. It was a great day. I totally indulged in all the yumminess. Cheesy potatoes, macaroni and cheese, and a burger made to order just how I wanted it.

I know it's a good idea to treat yourself now and again. And I am not opposed to it for myself either. But, I feel like I over indulged while enjoying the festivities and company of my friends. I feel as if all the progress I made over the last 12 days has suddenly reversed itself and that I will be starting from day 1 again. I know deep down that isn't true, but I guess I learned that maybe I wasn't quite ready to have a cheat day. I'm so new into this lifestyle and journey, that I quickly wanted to revert back into my old habits.

If the food is there it must be eaten. But that isn't the case at all. I could have made better decisions when filling my plate up. But, everyone kept saying a cheat day is allowed and that I should treat myself. I'm not blaming anyone else for me feelings, so I hope that isn't the picture I am painting. I just let the pressure get to me when deep down I knew I should have said no. That I was going to continue to eat in the way I have been the last two weeks.

Tomorrow is another day. I am going to get back into my new groove and really stick to it from here on out. I'm not saying I'll never have a cheat day or that I won't have moments of weakness, but I just wasn't ready for today.

For all you ladies at work, who I know are reading this....you are awesome. I love all the support you have all given me and I am truly grateful for each and every one of you <3

Day 11: Push it, push it real good

Food was easy today. I feel like I ate well and I drank lots of water. Someone gave me a tip, drink from a straw because you tend to drink more. Oddly enough I am finding that to be true, which makes getting my water intake easier.

Walking was a different story. I was really looking forward to getting out there today, bit halfway through my first lap I felt like I was done. I was dragging, not keeping a good pace. I wanted to just call it quits after just that one.

I was sick yesterday, so that was my excuse for wanting to quit today. But more than wanting to quit,I wanted to beat my 2.5 miles from Tuesday. If i had gone any less than that I would have felt like I failed myself today.

I know that isn't really the truth though. Honestly, I am more active in a day than I was just two weeks ago and anything up from that is progress in my book. I kept with it though. By the time I rounded my final lap and made it back to my car I had gone 2.93 miles! Almost 3 miles! And, each lap got easier. I could have and probably would have gone around once more, but it had started to rain. Not the drizzle I dealt with for most of my walk, it started coming down pretty good and I figured that was a good time to call it a day.

I am amazed at how far I have come in just 11 short days. I am down about 7 pounds, and that number is a little high because I was sick....I am looking to continue losing about 1.5 pounds a week from here on out. If you had told me two weeks ago where I would be today I would have laughed in your face.

If I can do this, anyone can do this. All it takes is the determination and drive to want to change. I am so glad I found it.

Day 10: sick day

No workout today and I stopped counting calories at lunch. I feel completely awful, so I will be spending the evening resting with my family. Hopefully I can be back at it tomorrow.

Day 9: Doin' my thang

I came to a few realizations today. I have lots of time to think while I am walking. The first thing that came to my mind was that for this last week I have not only been walking, but I go alone everyday. I'm pretty proud of myself. I used to think I needed someone by my side for everything. Anxiety is like that. I think that I was so convinced that if I tried something alone then I would be judged. I had myself convinced the only way to succeed with weight loss was having a workout partner. Turns out I just needed to let others in on my life, that is all the accountability I need.

My second epiphany came to me as I was trudging back up the hill to my car. I was just about through my second lap around the track when I caught myself trying to rationalize why I couldn't do a third lap. Physically I was feeling fantastic. Much of exercise is a mental game, even more mental than physical I would say. The reasons I was coming up with were silly.

I can see this is why failure is so high, we tell ourselves we just can't do it. I am not sure how I shut my mind out, but at the end of the second lap I found myself turning instead of going back up the hill to my car. As a result I made it over two miles today!

Our minds are powerful, but so is determination. Heres to continuing to shut out that negativity that says I cannot do this. I can and I am!

Days 7 and 8

Well, I am officially one week into my new lifestyle. I am feeling pretty optimistic towards my future. The junk food cravings aren't as strong and making wiser choices is coming easier. I am so thankful that I found some yummy snack choices.

Now that I have a week behind me I have a pretty good idea of what I want my days to look like. I have decided to work out five days a week, taking the day off on Monday and Saturday. Walking is my choice of exercise right now. I find new ways to challenge myself, whether it be pushing for that extra lap or walking a different path all together. Each day I push and go a little bit further. It is getting a bit easier too. I don't tire out quite as quickly, my times are getting a little better. And, most important, my feet don't hurt as bad as they did when I first started.

The biggest lesson I have taken away so far is that motivation makes all the difference. When I decided to go on this journey I knew that it had to be for more than the sake of appearance. I keep telling myself that by losing this weight I will feel healthier in general and that is was has kept me going.

Week two is off to a promising start. Can't wait to see how far I go this week!

Day 6: Take me out to the Ball Game

You really want to test your will power, spend the day at a sporting event. Where the people surrounding you are all enjoying delicious, fatty, perfect concession food. And instead of water they are all drinking pop or juice or something equally as tasty but not so good for you.

Saturday is football day. We get there at 9 a.m. and don't leave until about 2 p.m. I had a sensible breakfast, some toast and cottage cheese. I even cut my coffee intake in half because the mocha flavor has almost double calories as the vanilla flavor. That my friends is what they call progress :)

I got to the game and I just couldn't stop myself. I wandered to concessions and got a can of coke. Now, I grabbed a water bottle too, let's not just jump to negative conclusions so quickly!! Oh, I also indulged in handful of salty, buttery popcorn. But, it didn't taste so good so I wasn't tempted to eat more. Anyway, back to that coke. It was ice cold. It was crisp. It was everything a soft drink should be. Including horrible for my diet (I hate that word, lifestyle change, but eh...). Where was I, oh that's right, that ice, cold can of coke. Guess what, I only drank about half of it before I put it down and picked up that water bottle. So, I caved, but I corrected myself.

I stuck to my almond snacks and string cheese I brought. I needed something other than water though, I think that is why the coke was so enticing. So, I mixed up some Crystal Light peach tea, I never read the ingredient list before but I discovered only 5 calories per serving. So, now I can drink something besides water and not feel so guilty about it. Don't worry, water is still my main source of beverage.

I opted to skip a work out today. I needed the time to just rest and recoop a bit. I ended up taking a nap for about 45 minutes and I feel alive again. Tomorrow I am joining the gym so that I have some different options for work-out. I enjoy walking, but something about doing a YouTube work out in my living room makes me feel silly I'm sure I'll continue to do them here and there, but I am finding that the more people that are around, the better I feel. Something about others knowing what I am doing so they can help keep me in check.

I am just one day shy of a week into my new lifestyle. I am eating better. I am sleeping better. Oh, and I lost 2 pounds. Small steps. Although, I am super excited for the day I step onto that scale and see more than just a few pounds off. I know I'll get there, one step at a time.

Day 5: You Gotta Get up and Try, Try, Try

Today was not a good day. I mean, it started out ok, but I was late getting to eat breakfast. Mainly because I was distracted at work. Ok, I was talking, but still...It really didn't matter what I ate today and just couldn't get full. I know the lack of water played a portion in that, but I'm sure my stress level today didn't help either.

I'm an emotional eater and I eat when I am bored. I am so tired today. All the changes are weighing on me, but I'm not sorry. Well, not entirely. I may be feeling sorry for myself today. I worked and then ran errands all afternoon. It's 8:40 and this is the first I've sat down today. I went to pick up my step son from his mom so he could spend the weekend with us, and by the time I got home I really didn't even want to work out today. And, I drowned my stress in a fudge bar. Don't worry, it was still a weight watchers one and I really wanted to eat the entire box. I refrained. I put on my big girl panties and my running shoes and went for a walk. I only did a mile today, but I'm calling that success because all I really wanted to do was lie on the couch binge watching Pretty Little Liars on Netflix while shoving my face full of greasy, fatty foods.

Oh, I almost caved and bought a coke today. I was thisclose to pulling into the McDonald's drive thru. A divine intervention is the only was I can explain why I kept going straight rather than make that turn.

My attitude was really shitty once I realized I was having an off day. And that pretty much set the tone. I think I am heading to a hot shower and my bed. Praying that tomorrow will be a better day.

Day 4: Hurt So Good

Come on baby, make it hurt so good, sometimes love don't....wait, I think this song is about something totally different! Ok, well I can at least use a little of it. My initial thoughts when walking today were to just maintain what I did yesterday. I started at the top of the hill and made my way down to the track. I've got some Flo Rida and Pitbull jammin' in my ears and it is a nice, cool evening. I was on some sort of roll, because I walked that first lap faster today than I have since I started.

It was about half way through that first lap that I decided I was going to walk back UP the hill, turn around and go back down for one more lap. By the end of lap two, I was dragging. I lost a little of my pace, but I was feeling confident about getting back up the hill to my car in a reasonable time. I went 1.9 miles in about 38 minutes today!

I'm surprising myself by finding new ways to continue to challenge myself each day. Like, today at lunch I opted for a child's size smoothie and half a sandwich. I know it's only been 4 days, but I have noticed slight changes. The biggest one I am finding I am not nearly as tired as I was last week. I mean, most days I would catch some Z's in my car and still go to bed at 9 every night. I've slept better at night too. The only time I get up in the middle of the night is to pee, I guess that's a side of effect of being 27 for five years though, at least that's what I hear ;)

My sweet tooth got the better of me tonight, so I did indulge a little bit. But, it was with a Weight Watchers fudge bar. All my snacks and meals today and I was still under my calorie intake today by 27 calories. I'll take it! I also bought a few different snack ideas so I don't get burned out on eating the same thing every day.

This is the longest I have ever stuck with a weight loss, exercise program. I have gotten amazing support from everyone. My awesome co-workers, my friends, and even my mama had some words of encouragement! I am feeling so pumped up and proud of myself. This has been a long time coming.

Day 3 What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

Day 3 is in the books. I went for a walk tonight. I put on some workout station on Pandora and got to it. I was feeling pretty good and then the ultimate song came on. Kanye West's Stronger. I never in a million years thought I'd find myself jammin' to Kanye, but today I was wrong. I was about half way through my first lap when I had a burst of energy. I got through lap 1 and headed right into my second one for the day. I walked 1.5 miles today. The second lap wasn't nearly as hard as the first.

It may have helped that some Uptown Funk made its way onto my play list. I found myself walking to the beat of the music. In my head I looked like the Bee Gees in their Stayin' Alive video, but in reality I'm sure I just looked like chubby girl walking :)

The weather wasn't nearly as hot today, so the walking was a lot more bearable than it was yesterday. Since it was my day off I decided to give a YouTube workout a try. Just 10 minutes, I didn't want to overwhelm myself.

The Fitness Marshall takes today's music and does quick and fun workouts to them. Two of them and I was sweating pretty good and my legs were burning, but I felt so good afterwards. I didn't even regret not taking an afternoon nap today!

My water intake was much better today, I think I logged in about 32 oz. Food is where I am struggling the most. Mostly because I know I am going to need more variety. Peanut butter toast and vanilla coffee for breakfast was a much better option than my Cheerios yesterday. I felt fuller longer and I enjoyed the taste better too. I actually had the same for lunch because, well, slim pickins' around here until grocery day. I had some cheese cubes and pretzels as a snack, one serving of each and it was more filling than the yogurt yesterday too.

I was feeling pretty tired today, and I almost decided against my walk since I had that quick work out this morning, but I pushed through. I'm feeling amazing, even though my legs are so sore.

Goals for the rest of this week are to maintain the 1.5 mile walks in the evening and just continue to make better food choices. I've stayed under my calorie count these last few days and I hope to maintain that as well.

Day 2

I downloaded My Fitness app as well as a pedometer on my phone today. I started my day by eating breakfast, something that is pretty rare for me. A bowl of cheerios with 2% milk. Is the lesser percent of milk better for you? Maybe I will work my way to drinking them, but for now I will stick with my 2%. I have a fairly flexible job that allows to me to be able to grab a snack in the morning.

I ate breakfast around 8 and then at 10 I had a yogurt. Lunch time brought another yogurt, an orange, and a leftover brat without the bun! It's all been good, but not quite so filling. So, I'm going to find some different foods that keep me a bit fuller longer. By the time I got done work at 5 I was starving.

My water intake has been tough today. I managed to drink about 18 ounces. Much of that after my workout for the evening. Speaking of, I walked while the boys were at football practice. I know, not such a big deal to most, but for me it was huge! Normally I sit and watch practice or just sit in my car depending on how my day went.

It was 90 degrees in Michigan today and it would have been so easy to just say forget it to a quick workout, but I went anyway. I walked just under a mile. It took me 17 minutes, but I burned about 69 calories! Our park has a track around it, which is where I walked today. I wanted to go around twice, but about halfway through my first round I knew that wasn't going to happen. I thought I was going to be discouraged about that, I expect quick results. But, I told myself I didn't gain this weight in a day and it is going to take much more than that to get rid of it too. I felt pretty damn good after I got back to my car. Sweaty, but good. I'm already looking forward to getting back out there tomorrow.

While I was walking, that track looked so big and intimidating. It didn't look as big when I was just casually walking it while Jack rides his bike :)

I know it's just been two short days, but in these two days I haven't even looked at the junk food stashed in the house. I'd be totally lying if I said I wasn't thinking about it, but making better food choices is key for me right now. I'm on the right track and I can't wait to see what the future has in store.

Here's to another great day tomorrow!

Day 1

It's a Monday. I weigh 262 pounds. I am 5 ft 2 inches tall. I have been heavy my entire adult life. I've tried to lose weight before but nothing has ever stuck. These last few weeks though something has clicked in me. My motivation is different now than it ever was before.

I'm not doing this to get skinny, although being thinner is a bonus. I'm doing it to be healthier. I haven't gained much weight lately, but it has been increasingly difficult to do the simplest things. Just walking to my car from the football field and I am out of breath. I hate that I can't keep up with my kids. That I have to tell them no to something because I simply don't have the energy for it.

Having a new motivation besides appearance should make this easier for me to keep in mind. Not that I expect any of this journey to be easy. I know it is going to be hard as hell. But, I want to be around when my kids get older. I want to be able to enjoy life like I did when I was younger.

I'm not planning any sort of crash diets here. I'm planning an entire lifestyle change. I want to be more mindful of the foods I eat. I want to make better, healthier food choices. And, I want to be a better influence on my kids, too.

I'm sharing my story because I need encouragement. And, if I can help someone else along the way, well then that is an added bonus. Thanks for following along with me on my journey!