In November I started to get serious about my health and losing weight. I was completely miserable, I was always tired. My feet were swelling nearly every day at work. Food consumed nearly every one of my thoughts. I never had any energy for anything. And I decided I had had enough. One of the first things I did was start taking vitamins. My B12 and D levels were low, coupled with some Zinc and Vitamin C, I started to notice (almost immediately) that I was feeling better. My energy levels were increasing, and as a result, so many other things started to fall into place.
I started focusing more on what kinds of things I was eating. I stopped for coffee less and less and was bringing my breakfast and lunch from home, instead of hitting a drive through each day. By the 2nd week, I'd lost 5 pounds. It was my first real, tangible evidence of my changes working. I was encouraged, and each day it became easier to stick with those choices. It's almost the end of March now, and I'm currently down 40 pounds. That's almost as much as my granddaughter weighs! From a number standpoint, I didn't think that was a lot- mostly because of my current weight and where my starting weight was- but then I took a picture and put it next to an older picture. Holy crap! The difference was amazing to me, I was finally able to see some of the changes in my body that I don't see when looking in the mirror each day. I like what I saw. And not only that, but I feel so much better. I'm learning to eat better, my energy levels continue to increase, my feet aren't swelling anymore! These are all wins and things I expected before losing weight. But, there's a few things I wasn't prepared for.
The first thing is still feeling bad about my body. Just last week I was trying to take a new profile picture for my Facebook. My husband took a shot of me sitting down and I was annoyed and even kind of disgusted by how my lower body looked. I know I've lost weight all over, but sitting down just wasn't flattering for me. And I've had moments like this before, where one size is too big but the next one down is still too small. It's been hard getting dressed most days. I still reach for leggings most of the time, they are more forgiving than jeans. Which, I don't have a pair of those that fit comfortably right now either. Most of my clothing has become too big, which is kind of hard to see. Some of those tops were comfort tops, or I found I sense of confidence I didn't have before. I've cleaned some of those things out, but it's proving difficult to actually get rid of my bigger clothes.
I don't feel like I look different when I look in the mirror. That's why I started pictures, but they give me a measurable image of the before and the now. I've also taken my measurements, but it's not been long enough to remeasure for progress yet. I still see the fat girl I've always been when I look in the mirror. I don't feel much different physically either- I mean, yes I can move more without feeling winded, but I still just feel like Angie. And that's a good things, but I guess I expected to feel different with weight loss.
I have a lot of other feelings, I just don't know how to put them into words right now. I know that I'm going keep showing up, it's been worth it, and I know with continued weight loss I'll continue feeling better. I'm just trying to figure out how to get my mind to catch up with some of these changes.
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